yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
