I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
