Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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