I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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