Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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