all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
