How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
