Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
