So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
