I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
