You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
