I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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