My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
