dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
