Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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