I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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