That's intense
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
