If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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