I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize