I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
