We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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