new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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