Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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