you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
