i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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