I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
