The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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