HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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