he thought i was a dude.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
