I just threw up on my dentist
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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