it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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