Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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