I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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