She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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