Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
