whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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