so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
