They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize