youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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