I hate your face
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
