i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
