i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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