i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
