this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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