O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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