I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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