I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
