I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
