Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
