Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.