You can't special order awesome
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken