But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?