if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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