I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
