Yo dont text me then not text me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
