need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was born a porn star she said
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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