so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
