i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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