Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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