I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
