with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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