I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
