I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
