Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
