I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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