last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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