shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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