I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
