if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
