I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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